Understanding Coercive Control: When a Parent Uses Manipulation in Parental Alienation

Hey, have you ever felt like one of your parents tries to control how you think or feel about the other parent? This might be what's known as coercive control—a sneaky form of manipulation often linked to parental alienation. Let’s dive into what this means and why it’s important to recognise.

What is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is a way someone might use manipulation to dominate another person’s thoughts and actions. In the case of parental alienation, one parent might use coercive control to shape your view of the other parent. This isn't just about telling you what to do—it's about controlling your feelings and even your relationship with your other parent. This behaviour can come from a mum or dad.

How Does Coercive Control Show Up in Parental Alienation?

Here are some ways coercive control can happen between a parent and child:

• Constant Criticism: One parent repeatedly tells you negative things about the other, like "Your mum doesn’t really care about you," or "Your dad only thinks about himself." This can make you start doubting your other parent without real reasons.

• Emotional Manipulation: They might use guilt, saying things like, "After everything I’ve done for you, you still want to see them?" This can make you feel bad about wanting to spend time with your other parent.

• Isolation: They could try to limit your contact with the other parent by making excuses or creating barriers, like saying the other parent is too busy or unreliable.

• Spying and Reporting: Some parents might ask you to report back on what you do at the other parent's house or discourage you from being honest with them.

  
  

Why It’s a Big Deal

Coercive control can mess with your head and your heart. It can make you feel torn, confused, or even guilty about loving both parents. But here’s the truth: you have the right to have a relationship with both parents, as long as it’s safe and healthy.

How to Deal with Coercive Control

• Recognise It: Knowing the signs of coercive control is the first step. If you start noticing patterns like constant criticism or guilt-tripping, you’re already on your way to understanding what’s happening.

• Talk About It: Share your feelings with someone you trust, like a friend, teacher, or counselor. They can help you process what’s going on and figure out the best steps forward.

• Stay True to Your Feelings: It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid. You have the right to form your own opinions about both parents without being manipulated.

  
  

Final Thoughts

Coercive control in parental alienation is tough, but by recognising it and reaching out for support, you can protect your emotional well-being and your relationships. Remember, it’s okay to love both parents, and no one should make you feel otherwise.